HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO ME!!!!
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Thanks for sending me all your awesome questions!! Time for some answers. . .
This isn’t going to be easy
Elih and I didn’t have that straight forward relationship where we liked each other, dated, got engaged and married. We didn’t have everyone we love excited about us together. There was a lot surrounding us that proved to be very difficult. Heartbreaking. Hurtful. It wasn’t the romantic story we dream of from a young age. Where everyone is happy, there are no challenges, everything falls into perfect place. We had to fight for our relationship because we loved each other.
I’ll do my best to answer each question to the best of my ability. However I may have to leave some details out because I don’t want people we know to be offended should they read this. A lot of good has come in those difficult areas since we started dating. Yet the bad was also very present; and its a part of our story. So I will do my best to meet those things somewhere in the middle!
If you read this and are offended, it is not my intention. This is OUR story. OUR relationship. It is what has happened and we wouldn’t change it for anything.
“How did you meet?”
We met through friends! A bunch of my guy friends along with my big brother played ball hockey every Sunday afternoon. I didn’t play ball hockey, but I enjoyed watching and was friends with the guys so I was there every week! One sunny summer day this super good looking guy came! He had the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen which stood out because of his black hair and whiskers! I thought he was super handsome. He thought I was dating one of the guys there. He was wrong. I was right. Don’t worry, eventually he found out that I wasn’t taken!
“How long did you date before getting married? Do you think it affected your marriage?”
We got married a year and one week after we started dating! After 7 months and one week of dating Elih proposed in the perfect way. Exactly 5 months after we were married!
It didn’t have a negative effect on our marriage. I would say that it had a positive one because it means we get to be married for longer. . . Haha!
“How long were you together before talking seriously about getting engaged?”
You’ll see in the answer to one of the questions down below, but when we started to actually date, we knew that we were going to get married. So there wasn’t a point in our relationship where we talked about getting engaged; only WHEN.
“How old were you when you got married?”
Elih was 21 and I was 20!
“How/when did you realize he is ‘the one’?”
Like I mentioned before, when Elih and I first started dating we knew that we were going to get married. The truth of the matter is that we had previously been through so much together. We were best friends prior to dating! So when we actually went on our first date, it was more like our 30th date! Already we knew each other better than most. We simply knew. As simple as that.
“Was he good with your niece when you started dating?”
Ivy actually came along a few months after we started dating! Elih has always loved kids and been excellent with them! So he really was/is an awesome uncle!
“How did you decide to marry so fast and have Bev so fast? Did you talk about it or did it just happen?”
We absolutely talked about marriage. Its a massive commitment and responsibility which we didn’t take lightly! Most young people however don’t get married as fast as us because they can’t afford it, or they’re in university, or something along those lines. We didn’t have those things stopping us! Both of us were finished school and had been working full time for a while. There was nothing holding us back! So why would we wait?
I originally wanted to wait 3 years before having kids. God had a different plan though. Enter Beverly.
“How do you make time for eachother before Bev, after Bev, and presently?”
Sacrifice. There are for sure things that both Elih and I want to do in the evenings or on the days Elih has off which don’t always include the other person. Not that we don’t want to be together, but Elih is a guy and can’t come to girls night. And in turn, I don’t want to wake up super early, hike through the wilderness with Bev, while its cold out, just so that Elih can fish for fish we won’t be taking home to cook. At times we are able to do those things on our own. Yet we put eachother first; from time to time making sacrifices in order to be together. We say no to other people in order to spend time with one another.
“What do you do together that brings you both closer?”
One of my favourite things we do on nearly a daily basis is play crib. After we get Bev down for the night, we pull out the crib board and play a few games while drinking tea or hot chocolate. Sometimes we have popcorn. Maybe we will have a tv show on in the background. But it’s our time to simply talk and enjoy each others company.
We also go on lots of walking dates! Take day trips as a family. Cuddle on the couch with a good movie. My Mama doesn’t get this one, but we go on lots of drives! Pile into the truck, grab some coffee, and explore! We have probably been down every road in the city we live in as well as its surrounding locations! Haha!
“Do you feel like a failure as a Mom sometimes?”
Absolutely. I really felt this way when I learned that I could no longer breast feed Beverly. Being unable to do what women are “supposed to do” (a horrible lie that i believed for a time) made me feel like a horrible mother. A failure. Thankfully i’ve gotten past that! There’s the occasional moment I feel like a failure. Mostly that happens on the super hard days! But i’m so thankful for a husband who cheers me on during the hard times and reminds me that I’m rocking this whole Mama thing!
“Whats your love story?”
I saved this question for last because its going to be a long answer. It’s also bound to offend someone, unfortunately. I’ll do my best to fill this story into a nutshell!
When Elih and I met we had different beliefs. I was a strong Christian. Elih was Catholic. He had been his whole life! When I found this out I automatically friend zoned him!
Biblically, we as Christians should only marry someone who is also a Christian. I’ve gotten a lot of backlash for this from people, but let me try to give you an example: If you are a devoted vegetarian and fight to stop the killing of animals for meat on a daily basis, would you go out with a hunter? Of course not! Because protecting animals is one of the biggest and most important parts of your life! You want to share that with your SO. There is no way that you would ever end up with a hunter who only eats meat! Well its the same for us. My relationship with Jesus Christ is without a doubt the most important thing in my life. It is something I want to share with my SO. But Elih believed something different than me, and I couldn’t share my faith with him.
Elih and my brother, Josh, started to hangout more which meant that I began to see Elih on a somewhat regular basis. I fell for him. It was so very unlike me to fall for a guy who didn’t believe the same things as me (yes for those of you wondering there are MANY differences between Catholicism and Christianity). But boy did I fall hard! We started to spend a lot of time together and the more we hung out the more I liked him.
My wise father caught on to my feelings for Elih and encouraged me to be honest with Elih. So I told Elih that I liked him! Just let it slide right out of my mouth! Y’all already guessed it but he liked me too!
Again, we had different faiths. A real relationship was not possible. So we started to have a lot of discussions about faith. What we believed. Why. Evidences. Truths. God wasnt the only thing we talked about though! We had tons of other discussions about our lives. Pretty soon we were best friends. The closer we got as friends the more we liked eachother.
For quite some time this was what our friendship was. We liked each other. Talked about religion. Wouldn’t date (our own conviction). Liked each other more. Talked about religion more. Got more hurt that we wouldn’t date.
After months of this repetition heartbreak set in. I knew whatever we were wasn’t going to last. My Mama (who grew up Catholic but converted to Christianity) shared her testimony with Elih also. The truths she spoke then, and truths I spoke beforehand was doing nothing.
*I want to make something clear. We were not pressuring Elih. Myself and my family simply witnessed to him. To remain a Catholic or become a Christian was always his decision. One we never pressured him on.*
I was so insanely in like with Elih. In fact, I loved him. The thought of losing him broke me to the core. One evening I knew that it was time to make a decision:
I could either put my beliefs on the back burner and go against what I believe and know to be true; ignoring my relationship with God. Or I could end whatever Elih and I had. There was no debate. I wanted to grow in my relationship with Christ. How could I walk away from Him? I told Elih that we couldn’t see each other anymore. That my relationship with God was far too important to me. And that wasn’t going to change.
We held each other and cried for a long time. Both our hearts were broken.
I asked Elih for one thing. To read his Bible every day. Even if it was just one chapter. One verse. Just to read it daily.
Months had passed by. It took a long time but God put my broken heart back together piece by piece. I moved on. Then one day I saw Elih. We chatted for a short time and when I got home I realized that I really missed Elih as a friend. So I asked my Mama if we could have him over for dinner – as a friend – because I was TOTALLY over him!
N O P E
I quickly realized that I was most definitely not over him. My feelings for him were bursting at the seams.
A few days later we got together for a chat. I was still a Christian. He was still a Catholic. Wouldn’t date. I was bound for California that night for a few days and so I told Elih that I was going to take the time away to pray about our whole situation.
Elih had no idea what my prayer was! I asked God to make it clear to me as to what His plan was. So I trusted in God that if I got back from my trip and Elih was still very much Catholic, that would be the very end. However if he was leaving the Catholic faith, I would pursue a friendship with him.
I got home late Sunday night and didn’t see my Mama till the Monday morning. She informed me that my sister, Sarah, was coming to get me and we were going to spend the morning out shopping. This made no sense to me! Little did I know though that Elih had contacted Mama and asked to talk with her again about her testimony. It wasn’t till after our shopping day that I learned this. Mama told me that all she did was tell Elih the exact same thing that she said months prior to. So I waited.
That night I got a text from Elih saying that he wanted the same faith as my family. That he could not deny the truth God revealed to him through being in the word daily and also from what Mama shared with him. He was leaving the Catholic faith.
*I want to make something VERY clear. Many people have made the comment that Elih only became a Christian to be with me. They are very wrong. Being a Catholic was previously very important to Elih. It was a big part of his life then. He would never EVER leave something like that for a woman unless he actually saw the Gospel for the truth that it is. He chose God first. Our relationship was simply a bonus. Elih is very smart and mature. Leaving the Catholic life behind was a huge change for him and he isn’t so weak to do that just for a woman. He was shown what true life in Jesus Christ actually meant and the assurance gained by a true relationship with Him.*
We pursued friendship until some time later when we FINALLY went on our first date.
This is as far as I think I should go right now when it comes to telling our story. There is so much more. Our dating relationship and engagement was beautiful and tragic. A lot of hardships faced us as a couple. Elih’s conversion was difficult for many people who loved and love him. It was really messy. We both faced a lot. But we faced it together.
Some days Elih held me up. Other days I held him up. And every day God carried us.
I really would love to explain and go into detail, but I would hate to hurt someone who may have been involved should they read this.
Maybe one day i’ll be able to write it all down. That would be nice. . .